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About Varied / Student PaulMale/Canada Recent Activity
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It's just been so crazy since my summer started. I've been trying to find part time work or just something to do with my boredom. Hopefully, things will start to become more interesting. I've been trying to finish more art pieces I started but I just don't have my creativity flowing in me. So I've been taking long drives (since I finally got my G2 hell yassss!) everywhere and hanging out with my friends and family. I just feel like I'm growing up too fast and I'm scared for what the future has in store for me. I've decided to just live each day as slow as possible so that my summer would last a lot longer. I've been watching so many shows cuz I have no life. I currently finished True Blood and it's disappointing last season (7) but it was soooo good! I'm currently watching Ugly Betty and I'm on the last season! I LOVE IT SO MUCH, hopefully I'll have a life like Betty in Mode in New York :D
I know I haven't written for a while but I just needed to get something off my chest. For the past couple of months I've been having this heavy feeling in my heart and its widespread to my shoulders and head as well. I feel like a walking ghost and an empty shell. I also feel so exhausted and mentally drained and I feel that I haven't been enjoying the things I usually do. So I began to look up my symptoms online (cuz I have hypochondriac tendencies lol) and at first I thought I had anemia but then I suddenly had a realization...I think I'm depressed. I guess there has been so many things going on in my life and I have constantly faced many small and insignificant, yet impactful failures since the beginning of my school year. I am in the International Baccalaureate Programme and man this shit has been intense lol. I have been trying so hard to maintain my grades and completing assignments. However, there were many assignments that I received back that I have been disappointed with and felt that I could have done better. I know this sounds sooooo dumb and there are more important problems like poverty and world peace, but I just can't help but burden myself with all of these constant disappointments. I somehow find my own self worth in my grades and accomplishments and it's just fucking ridiculous. I don't know how to change myself and I feel the need to compare myself to others. It just sucks being who I am and I don't know how to change this about me. I want to be more confident in myself but I just end up being insecure and afraid to take a step forward.

 I constantly feel like my life has no meaning and constantly thinking of how uncertain my future is. I'm in grade 12 and in truth, I'm afraid to go to University. I'm so afraid of this change and I'm more afraid of my own future. I chose to go in Visual Arts and Communication and this may have been such a big mistake. I feel that I won't find a job or be stuck in some shitty one. I know I'm still in high school but I'm just always having these preconceived notions and I'm afraid. Moreover, I burden myself with doubts and negativity because sometimes that's all I can think of. I always try to be positive but I just feel like nothing is working and this heavy and dark feeling is just spreading across my body. I'm not even suicidal (like fuck no I ain't killing myself I have so much shit to do and accomplish before I die lol) but I just feel this weakness inside of me and I can't get it out. Furthermore, I have IB exams in May and holy shit I scared as fuck and I always do shit in final examinations because of all of the shit I had to learn in 2 years in the programme and cramming that in a month of exams. My future is so uncertain and I feel afraid and useless. Plus, I also failed my driver's test twice! It's like an accumulation of failures and is appointments after another and it's just destroying every bit of my sanity. I also feel that my own high school friends are drifting apart from me and I always feel so lonely and isolated in the sea of people I drown in. All I can do now is try to live each day hoping some kind of event will change my life and my fantasies coming to reality. I'm always in such a constant search for happiness and hopefully I can find something to change this feeling. Moreover, I hope I can find the courage to take a step forward, a leap of faith to change my own life for the better and fill it with positivity. I don't know who will read this but damn I just needed to type shit out lol.
Uncia uncia (Snow Leopard) by musicx09
Uncia uncia (Snow Leopard)
I used charcoal and pastels for this piece. This species is sadly endangered :( and this piece is part of an exhibit I did with endangered species
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It's just been so crazy since my summer started. I've been trying to find part time work or just something to do with my boredom. Hopefully, things will start to become more interesting. I've been trying to finish more art pieces I started but I just don't have my creativity flowing in me. So I've been taking long drives (since I finally got my G2 hell yassss!) everywhere and hanging out with my friends and family. I just feel like I'm growing up too fast and I'm scared for what the future has in store for me. I've decided to just live each day as slow as possible so that my summer would last a lot longer. I've been watching so many shows cuz I have no life. I currently finished True Blood and it's disappointing last season (7) but it was soooo good! I'm currently watching Ugly Betty and I'm on the last season! I LOVE IT SO MUCH, hopefully I'll have a life like Betty in Mode in New York :D

deviantID

musicx09
Paul
Artist | Student | Varied
Canada
I love being able to express myself through art. I am still learning how to improve my skills and become more confident with myself and all that I do. I love traditional art and photography. I love learning and being inspired by other amazing artists and aspire to become like them one day (not as a job because I don't want to starve lol jk). But I do want a job involving art and creativity :D I'm just trying really hard to live my life happily with a smile on my face and hopefully inspire other people in the future :) P.N. is my signature (stands for Paul Napigkit) but is always not seen after I scan my paintings, so I add "musicx09" on the corners to implant that I made it and that my work is mine.
Current Residence: My room
Favourite genre of music: Alternative, Rock, Pop, Electronic, Techno, Acoustic and of course...K-pop and J-pop!!!
MP3 player of choice: Ipod
Personal Quotes:

~ "Dreams exist only to come true"

~ "Your future is in your own hands, no one else will open it up for you."

~ "Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.
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:iconspiritbreeze:
spiritbreeze Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you for the favourite Tight Hug 
Reply
:iconsnataliee:
snataliee Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
thank you very much for the fav :hug:
Reply
:iconsnataliee:
snataliee Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
and for watch :heart:
Reply
:iconmusicx09:
musicx09 Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Student General Artist
No problem!! Your work is absolutely beautiful!!! :D
Reply
:icontorsk1:
Torsk1 Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2013
Thanks for the fav! :) (Smile) 
Reply
:iconchalktwins:
ChalkTwins Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you so much for the :+fav:! :D
Reply
:iconsongyong:
SongYong Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the FAV on my drawing, Underwater !!
Glad you like the step by step too :D
Reply
:iconmusicx09:
musicx09 Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013  Student General Artist
Your drawing is amazing! I just loved that photo shoot in ANTM and I was soooo inspired! I want to draw Esther Petrack's and Ann Ward's picture :D
Reply
:iconsongyong:
SongYong Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you !! Me too I'm very inspired by the shoots from antm :D You know what I was gonna draw either Ann Ward or Kayla Ferrel's pic for the underwater shoot :) and finally made a top decision cause I thought the red hair will be more interesting for a color drawing. Please to note me when Ann's drawing is done I want to see it ;)
Reply
:iconabookreaderslife:
aBookReadersLife Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
PAUL. Guess who hit 4,000 page views :D.
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